Catherynne M. Valente

I'm so sick of hearing "if voting worked, they wouldn't let us do it."

If voting didn't work, they wouldn't be trying so hard not to fucking let us do it!

I love how random X users are like "Surely I have the solution no one else on this planet has thought of! I, Rando, have done it!"

They think just like their idol. Yes no one's ever considered getting around the Strait of Hormuz in the history of being a dick in the Middle East.

Weird little bonus essay up on Patreon (for your nerves)...

Basically a shorter and punchier version of a paper I wrote in college about the etymology of the name "Antigone" if that sort of thing is your bag, baby.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/152629506

From my new piece on the trash fire:

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/stop-saying-america-has-always-been

Follow-up essay to my last few concerning an easy narrative that shuts down the energy to resist:

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/stop-saying-america-has-always-been

Concerning the war in Iran, and probably one of the saddest things I've ever written.

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/whats-a-panama

New recipe up on Patreon!

This month: maple-pistachio snickerdoodles!

https://www.patreon.com/posts/152058540/

If any Danish speakers follow me...

What would be the Danish equivalent of the name Bob in English?

Being a standard very common male name w/uncle vibes, pleasing to say but old-fashioned & kind of pedestrian? Lars? Peet?

Thanks for your help! (Happy to take any other Danish tidbits too!)

New #WIP excerpt up on Patreon!

This month: a break from the mermaid novella, the first act of a brand new fairy tale-centric short story!

https://www.patreon.com/posts/151493837

New photo essay up on Patreon!

Now open to all for free: bringing a little bit of Oxford home because billionaires can't have every beautiful thing...

(I'm so so excited about this one)

https://www.patreon.com/posts/denizen-of-month-150036908

The Childe has become very interested in Tarot, so I’ve been teaching them to read cards as I once did professionally oh-so-long-ago.

They just referred to this (7 of Wands) as:

“The Strugglebus Card”

Annual reminder of the True Meaning and Origin of Valentine’s Day and why it’s still completely wonderful whether you have a partner or not:

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/on-valentines-day

Am crazy sick. AGAIN. Love winter with a 2nd grader. They get over it in a day, I feel like I’m dying for weeks.

Back soon. Sorry!

My god, 35+ online dating is just an ocean of the saddest eyes you’ve ever seen.

And I’m not even saying mine aren’t included.

I am from Seattle.

I live in Maine.

I do not actually care about football. But I care about the Seahawks. A little.

I am at a bar that by definition is All-In for the Patriots.

Someone just saw my blue & green hair extensions & *recoiled.*

“Cat what the fuck are you doing?”

And Reader, I got to say it. In the right context.

BITCH I AM FROM SEATTLE! #dragrace #superbowl

FYI, I have an arrangement with @printbookstore.bsky.social, my local indie, whereby you can order my books from them & I’ll come in & sign them before they ship!

They have ONE for me to sign, & I gotta take a whole boat to do it—SO YOU GUYS SHOULD ORDER SOME BOOKS FROM PRINT SO I CAN SIGN EM ALL AT ONCE WHY NOT

The more that comes out, the more it feels like Epstein was low-key running half the planet to a bizarrely granular degree, until he died, at which point the desperate need to hide that fact kept on running it.

RE: @Catvalente@wandering.shop

I want to stress this didn’t come from me.

I said I’d find them a charity if they were serious about it, but they should give it a think, & know it *will* help someone but no donation can solve a problem overnight.

Once I found charities, all they wanted was to earn more money because: “I only have $25, it’s not enough.”

If a 7yr old can have empathy for strangers in a country they couldn’t find on a map, come the fuck on, adults.

Some time ago, the Childe & I were talking about prejudice/racism/sexism. I gave some modern examples to show these are not just issues from olden times.

Months later, they tell me they want to save all their chore money to give to women in Afghanistan.

Hate is TAUGHT. We’re born to care. To try.

SO PLEASED to see that When He Calls your Name, my summer gothic novelette, made the Locus List! Congrats to all the other amazing works there!

Don't forget to vote in the poll for the Locus Awards! And hey, if you're nominating for the Nebulas, give it a read...

https://locusmag.com/2026/02/2025-recommended-reading/

New recipe up at Patreon!

This month: Vanilla-Hazelnut Zucchini Bread!

https://www.patreon.com/posts/149860014/

RE: @Catvalente@wandering.shop

I will be reading at this event in Beverly MA tomorrow night at 7!

Come one and all!

There is a large general strike in Portland, Maine today. One with some real energy & actual buy-in behind it.

So despite all the Patreon & Substack content I owe you being done, I figure the least I can do, as someone who kind of can, is join the strike & log off for today.

Solidarity forever.

New piece on ICE in Minnesota--and what they're doing in Maine when they think no one's looking.

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/the-good-the-pretty-and-fear-itself

https://www.patreon.com/posts/good-pretty-and-149352074

I know I’ve been quiet—I was away teaching & was going to have a bunch of new Things for you all this week but the Childe is home sick from school in advance of what we’re told is the Snow of All Snows so…I’ll be back with goodies Monday on the other side of 18 inches of winter.

Sorry!